The Neiman Marcus Christmas Book Is Here!

Let's see, what happened this week? The Dow lost about 1,500 points, The New York Sun and Cosmo Girl both folded, Iceland teetered on the verge of bankruptcy . . . and Neiman Marcus launched its Christmas Book catalog!

Now if you know Neiman Marcus' annual holiday catalog, you know this is the first place to go when you're wondering how to blow all that extra cash you have lying around. Past catalogs have included such necessities as a personal submarine and a his-and-hers chocolate portrait. And the "wow gifts" in this year's catalog do not disappoint, no matter what may be going on in the so-called news.

Bad day at work? No worries. Just blow out of the office on this $110K Limited Edition Fighter Motorcycle. What better way to say "I already made millions before the sh*t hit the fan"?

This football season, why enjoy the game on a regular old TV when you could get this Dallas Cowboys Texas Stadium End Zone package? For a mere $500K, you can go to the game in a luxury suite and get your photo taken with Jerry Jones and cheerleaders. The $500K goes to the Salvation Army, but obviously getting a Dallas Cowboys logo spray-painted on your lawn is a lot better than just giving the money to charity. (Installation costs not included.)

Remember those old records Dad had sitting in the basement? Turns out you should have kept them, because now this Thirty-Five Year Collection of Top 100 45 RPM Records is now worth $275K--probably not what Dad paid for them when he was walking to school in the snow uphill both ways.

You know that awful feeling you get in a museum when you just want to buy stuff but it's not for sale? Well now you can, because these Medieval and Renaissance Era Rings ($25K-35K) can finally be sitting pretty on your finger, not in some stupid glass case at the Met.

This. Costs. One-hundred thousand. Dollars.

Because it's not really art unless it's a portrait of you, acclaimed artist Nathan Sawaya will make these HIS & HERS: Life-Size Replica in LEGO Bricks just for you for $60K. Sure to terrify small children for years to come.

When even the most exclusive golf club is not exclusive enough, turn to Jack Nicklaus to design this Custom Backyard Course Package ($1M). Finally, you can play golf alone. (Construction costs not included.)

One of the best things about basketball is it costs little or no money to play--it requires just cement, a hoop, the ball, and you. Now if only your kid were a decent player. Get some skin in the game for real with an on-court experience with the Harlem Globetrotters ($110K), who won't bitch and moan if you ask for a "do-over."

You always told your kids that marriage was about a lot more than love, it's about money. Show Daddy's little girl how much she's really worth with this $1.3M Luxury Destination Wedding Package at The Resort at Pelican Hill. Guaranteed to make the groom feel inadequate and ruin the young couple's sex life forever.

Ever wake up with that groggy feeling of "how much did I spend at the bar last night"? Well now you'll really wonder what happened when you get this $250K tab for this Authentic Guinness® Home Pub. Drunk friends who run up your bill sold separately.

Don't worry about the kids' college funds--they'll be fine by 2010, right? And besides, you could really use that $160K for a new car.

You know nothing about horses. Or racing. But it would be cool to be that guy on TV whose horse just won that race, what's-it-called. Because when you buy this 10-million-dollar Three Chimneys Farm Thoroughbred Racing Stable Package, "as the owner, you get to name your stable and any unnamed horses, design your own silks, attend races, pose for pictures, give quotes to the media." Because isn't that what it's all about?


Anonymous said...

MS -- Great idea to make fun of NM Catalog. Love it.


Annmarie said...

love your blog!