
I walked into Barneys, and there they were.
Lurking under sweater tunics, hovering above ankle boots. Leggings! They were everywhere! Leggings on mannequins, leggings on racks, leggings on shelves, leggings on salesgirls!




It was the stuff of nightmares.
I fled the building. This trend was supposed to be over. Leggings were in this spring, then they were going to die a quiet death, just as leg warmers had a couple years back. Why wouldn't they die? They were unflattering, uncomfortable, uncouth. As a trend, they were unsustainable.





Since leggings didn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon, I decided to try a radical solution: immersion therapy. For this, I required leggings and a fluorescent-lit dressing room. Fortunately, there was an American Apparel nearby.

"I just can't believe this sh*t is back," he said. "It's like the eighties all over again. Like people walking around with their collars flipped up."
"These make me look fat and short."

But my inner Molly Ringwald teen diva was back. "You're still laughing at me!"
"I'm laughing with you!"
I stormed back into the dressing room. Then I bought the leggings.
Though it was August, it had been raining for five days straight. Gloom was the order of the day. Also, black is the new black, so I decided to dress completely in black, including black leggings, so as to better fade into the background in my spandex outfit. I felt as if I'd stepped out of an Ingmar Bergman film.

When I arrived at Ditch Plains to meet my old college girlfriends for dinner, no one even noticed anything different. Keep in mind, these chicks had seen me in leggings the first time around. Do I always look this way? Finally, I pointed out the leggings.

Admittedly, the leggings did show off my KORS Michael Kors by Michael KORS Kors shoes. We waxed nostalgic about leggings past.
"Remember how the coolest thing ever was to wear leggings under a long blazer?"
"That was totally hot. I wore that."
"It was all because of Esprit and Benetton. The big sweater with the B on it."
"I have leggings now. I wear them under this Urban Outfitters sundress."
"I wore them under a skirt the other day, and this homeless guy called out after me on the street. 'Wazzup, ballerina?!?'"

By the time dinner was over, my phobia had faded. I even looked forward to wearing the leggings again. Anything that can be used to showcase one's shoes can't be that bad. And it wasn't like jeans with zippers at the ankles were coming back in style.
Or were they?
